Healing.

Well she read the blog. She actually read it. A part of me thought the text would get ignored. I thought she had already gotten completely over me…that she never hurt when she heard someone say my name…the way I did when I heard hers.

But she DID read it. And…she sent me a text! I’m seriously laying here crying because I’m so happy. She still cares about me. She thought about me. She’s familiar but different in some ways (her favorite color is now blue in all different shades). The best part is that the conversation is calm…i feel at ease.

I have a problem with always wanting to be right. The right side of any argument. But I’ve learned that no one is ever completely right. I was right on some things…but on others, I was so so wrong. And ending a 16 year friendship only so I could feel ‘right’ was wrong.

I went to church the other Sunday with my grandparents. Before the service I prayed that God would help me find my special meaning in the message that day. It was about recognizing your ‘dark side’. We are not perfect, each of us has several things that make us sinners. That’s how I figured this all out. I needed to forgive…I needed to be forgiven. I needed to stop holding things against me. I needed to stop judging people who sin differently then me. What better place to make a change than my best friend?

I love you, and I’ll never stop feeling sorry for what I did.

Silver and Gold

I am currently on the phone with an old friend. Yes that’s right, I am blogging while on the phone. This may come off as rude however the girl at the other end is carrying a conversation with three other people. This is a girl I have known since second grade. For the sake of this article I’ll call her Julie. Anyway, I knew during our sophomore year that our lives would turn out very different. She was pregnant. I remembered I cried and cried..for her. I was scared to death. Through the rest of high school, we remand close friends…just know I was also invited to baby shower and birthday parties. Her little girl is beautiful and just turned 3. As beautiful as she is, she’s even smarter. I remember almost a year ago she was sitting on my lap because she loves to read and she knows I am the only one of Julia’s friends that also enjoys it. I can’t remember what I was reading but I do remember her pointing to an animal on the page, looking up at me, and proudly telling me that “It’s a Hippopotamus!”

 

Now, we are in college. We go to the same school but our lives our on very different paths. Its currently summer and she has thrown herself into a factory job. She lives with her parents, and her boyfriend (the father of her daughter) also lives their. As we are talking its becoming more and more evident that our lives hold very little over lap. She’s always been bad about talking on the phone, she instead talks to all the people around her. Normally I tune the extra chatter out, but today I listened. There was talk of babies, kindergarten, and naps. We struggled to find a topic and resorted to gossiping about old classmates. Such an empty topic for discussion. My life is so different. It’s summer and I have thrown myself into two retail jobs. My boyfriend lives 900 miles away. I have my own apartment. And to top is all off, my womb has probably grown cobwebs from not being used in my 19 years of life.

 

This got me thinking about an old song we used to sing in Girl Scouts…it went something like this:

Make new friends

but keep the old,

one is silver

and the other gold.

 

They never say if the new friends are silver of gold…which has the most worth? Well…most would say your old friends are gold, because they have stuck around the longest. However, I am starting to believe that old friends are people that are less engaged in your life now. I have another friend that I have known as long as Julia…but we talk all the time, I would not consider her an ‘old friend’. New friends come into your life for a reason, because they fit your current life situation.

 

I am a sister of Phi Sigma Sigma. I wouldn’t say that I have made a lot of close friends since I started college. I have met several people I would consider a friend but, their is only one that I feel is a best friend. My sister, Megan. I am so thankful she is a part of my life now. She’s funny and sweet and someone I can look up too. So I think new friends are Gold…they love you even after you tell them about your awkward JH years.